September 16, 2003
BEN & SCARY
Gregg Easterbrook's brilliant Tuesday Morning Quarterback column reports that Ben & Jerry's has introduced a flavor in Vermont called Maple Powered Howard in honor of that state's Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean.
Easterbrook writes:
"It is not an auspicious sign for the candidate's prospects that even Ben & Jerry's thinks no one outside Dean's home state would want a product bearing his name ... Perhaps it worries about other candidates demanding equal-time flavors.''
Easterbrook then goes on to suggest other political flavors of the month:
John Kerry: Very Kerry Irish-Jewish-Czech Melting Pot. Flavors from all over the world, blended together until indistinguishable.
Bob Graham: Graham's Graham Cracker Special. Eat first spoonful at 2:06. Eat second at 2:07. Wipe face with napkin at 2:08. At 2:08:30, ask for sprinkles. At 2:08:45 ...
Joe Lieberman: Joe's Macho Java. Coffee-flavored ice cream bulked up with government-financed prescription drugs.
Al Sharpton: Al's Extra-Smoothy. It's processed!
Carol Moseley Braun: Carol's Incredible Fantasy. Only one-tenth of one percent of the ice cream is flavored, representing the share of votes she will be lucky to get.
Dick Cheney's Undisclosed Flavor.
George W. Bush's Ice Cream of Mass Destruction. The label lists nuclear, biological and chemical content, but inspectors have been unable to find these ingredients.
Al Gore's Dade County Surprise. Bittersweet chocolate with a sour grape swirl.
And looking ahead to 2008:
Hillary's Endless Fudge.
My favorite part of Easterbrook's column:
You can read Ben & Jerry's congratulating itself for being socially responsible here. By the strangest coincidence, you have to go deep into the Ben & Jerry's site via search engine to find any mention of the fact that the company is owned by Unilever, an enormous conglomerate. Unilever itself, under its brands index, pretends not to own Ben & Jerry's. TMQ's favorite fact about Unilever: It markets the waistline-expanding Ben & Jerry's and Hellman's Mayonnaise, and also SlimFast.