Recent headlines from my Onion day-by-day calendar:
Communists Now Least Threatening Group In U.S.
$500 Stereo Installed in $400 Car
American People Ruled Unfit To Govern
You Can Tell Area Bank Used To Be A Pizza Hut
Country Singer Trying To Think Of Rhyme For "Shove You"
World Gets First-Ever Look Inside Greenspan Fantasy Ranch
Report: Depression Hits Losers Hardest
Billy Ray Cyrus To Speak Out
On Single Payer-Healthcare Issue
On Politically Incorrect
Secondhand Smoke Linked To Secondhand Coolness
and my personal favorite:
Everything A Goddamn Ordeal In Area Family
HUNTINGTON, WV - Absolutely everything from ordering a pizza to going out to the movies has to be a huge goddamn ordeal for the Flemings, father Bryce Fleming reported Tuesday. "Just once, could we maybe sit down and watch some goddamn TV together without the whole thing desolving into an all-night screaming match?" Fleming asked wife Tanya Fleming. "Could we?" Fleming went on to ask if that could happen once in the history of their goddamn household.