I have a great job. It's hard to top a title like "Leisure Team Leader" when it comes to inspiring envy.
But the job I want in my next life looks a lot like Peter Carlson's.
And while it might seem easy, his is the only magazine column that takes the right, smart-assed tone when it comes to criticizing various titles.
Here's an exerpt from his column about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue:
In several photos, the models wear only the bottom half of the bikini, shyly covering their lovely breasts with a hand or an elbow. At first I found this puzzling: Why are these models losing their bikini tops?
But then I realized what was really going on. SI is owned by AOL Time Warner, the rapacious conglomerate that was nearly bankrupted by the moronic merger-mania of its executives.
This folly apparently left SI so poor that it could afford to buy only the bottom halves of these expensive bikinis. And the models, eager to help their impoverished employer, gamely carried on as best they could. In these trying times, that's downright inspirational!
Equally inspirational is the fact that two of the photo shoots for the swimsuit issue took place in countries that the United States has, in recent history, battled in war -- Vietnam and Grenada. Now, instead of dropping bombs, we're sending supermodels. Talk about your peace dividend!