SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

THE ASSES OF FIRE TOUR,
SHE JUST ROLLS ON AND ON AND ON

When we last left Asses of Fire Tour, we were scraping the middle of the barrel to find good places to eat chicken wings.

Now we're over a barrel, so to speak.

For the uninitiated, the tour was conceived first as an exploration of the finest gameday wing establishments in Tampa. Then it became a weekly quest that was limited in scope only by the length of a football season. The deal: one wing joint for every week of the season.

Do you know how frigging long a football season is? Too long. Five weeks of preseason, 16 weeks of regular season football, then the playoffs, then the Super Bowl, then the Pro Bowl.

Another indicator of how long the season is: Two participants have gone on and off and back on diets. Only one remains steadfast to his dietary discipline.

It is safe to say we had not anticipated this dilemma when we first set out to conquer the known wing universe.

We've gone to so many places, we're having to travel long distance just to get there. Drive, eat and drive back... three hours, easy. For wings.

Got so bad yesterday that our only criteria when we called Munchies in Brandon was: A) Are you open; B) Do you have a TV set on which you could theoretically show a sporting event.

The wings were good; the scorchers were hot but not "call 911" hot. We've had those. These were not it. But the honey barbecue were great and, hey, the owner, Said, gave us a free sample of pizza as soon as we walked through the door. Not a bad deal all in all.

For a visual clue as to the taste of the wings, I give you this:



Nothing more need be said. If this had been Roberto Bennini instead of Rommie Johnson, he might have exclaimed, "The wing of the chicken... she is very much like a lover.''

The new goal - if there ever was an old one - is to eat 1,000 wings by the end of the season. (We've given up on dining our way through the playoffs.) According to Rommie's calculations, that means we have to eat 133 wings at the last 3 places. We're at 867 wings and counting.

We're gonna need reinforcements.