Yeah, I know. I've let down every one of the readers of this site by not updating the Disturbing Santas Calendar yesterday.
Know what I have to say to that? All three of you can sue me. You know, when you get around to reading this in January.
Anyway, I'm catching up for lost time, amid the hustle and bustle of holiday decorating, shopping and partygoing.
In the interest of keeping things orderly I hearby humbly submit the following two - yes TWO - disturbing Santas:
DISTURBING SANTA NO. 7
I'm guessing this was shot around 1982. Why? Check the visual clues:
** The Adidas three-stripe running shorts the guy on Santa's lap is wearing. The last guy who wore a pair of these in 1987 didn't get laid for a good two years after.
** The Pier 1 Imports bamboo papa-san chair, which came either with a circular pedestal (seen here) or a hook, from which the chair would dangle and then rip out your ceiling joist.
** The electric Gibson six string guitar at frame right. The shirtless wonder in this photo, whom I've dubbed Tod (I'm imagining that he dropped the last d because he thought it would score down at the ABC Liquor Lounge's 3-for-1 ladies night on Thursdays), picked it up after hearing Stevie Ray Vaughan's solo on David Bowie's "China Girl.'' He tried to play it a few times, but only wound up sounding like Duane Eddy on mescaline.
** The silver Casio timepiece on Tod's left wrist. Also had a miniature calculator/keyboard just below the digital display that never failed to punch in four numbers at once when all you really wanted was to peck one at a time.
** The guy on Santa's lap looks just like Weird Al Yankovic.
DISTURBING SANTA NO. 8
Just after the scene depicted on the cover of this comic book, Santa went ninja on their ass. How do I know? Because nobody fucks with Santa and gets away with it.
A postscript: Back in the day, this is what people meant when they said, "Dude, you're getting a Dell.''