SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

IT WAS A VERY BIG DAY. ARGH

Check out my expression and the look on my son Brian's face.

What's the source of such divergent appearances?

I had just taught him how to drive the family car.

He's 9.

I have unleashed the beast.

We drove nowhere special - just circles at first in the parking lot of a local school. When I got out and walked to the passenger side, he didn't know what to make of it. After he understood what I was doing, he climbed over the center console and scootched his seat forward. He took off tentatively at first, then way too fast. Then back to gentleness again.

"This is like "Road to Perdition," I told him. "Wanna go rob some banks?"

He smiled.

I taught him "10 o'clock/2 o'clock." I taught him to signal. I taught him how to gently brake (after some brain-rattling stops). I taught him what the lines on the road were. And I told him that it's important to pay attention to the road and that he shouldn't oversteer.

Then I let him drive about 100 yards down a deserted road. After that, I let him drive through a subdivision to where his mother and grandmothers were parked. The fastest we went was about 20 mph. To him, I'm sure, it felt like we were racing at Daytona.

When we pulled up, they did a double-take until they realized it was him behind the wheel. Their looks were priceless.

My little man is growing up.