SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

ORE IDA MEANS IT'S ALRIGHTA

People ask me why I carry a camera with me constantly. (Okay, no one really asks me. They just look at me as if I had the Black Plague.) But if they did ask, this is what I'd have to say:

Because you never know when a co-worker will bring a French fry to work that looks like a penis.

The story goes that Karla was making a batch of fries at home Thursday night for her husband Keven and son, Zach. Lo and behold, she looks down amid the greasy, crispy spuds and sees Fry Daddy looking up at her.

Great hilarity ensues. She shows it to her son. He immediately giggles hysterically.

The first thing she thinks of? Bringing it in to show me so I can take a photo.

And so I did.

This one's for you, Karla.


I mean, look how happy she is. How could I refuse?

For the record, Karla is the one in 2002 who noticed a woman in the news whose hyphenated last name was Penix-Johnson. She flew into such a hurricane of gut-wrenching laughter over that one that she was dabbing her eyes for close to two hours.

"I live for that kind of thing,'' she proclaimed.

Then last year, she sent me a news item that said:

The coach's name (Wally Butts) graces the school's athletic hall of fame along with that of former coach Harry Mehre. Locals are always careful to pause in the middle of the name of the building ... Butts-Mehre.

That's right, Butt Smear.

So you see the type of humor we're dealing with.

Karla's husband suggested that someone might think she was weird if she brought the potato penis to work. She assured him that "we've passed that exit long ago."

And she was right. I mean, look at our co-worker Kevin's face:


That's the human embodiment of morbid curiosity, with nary a trace of a judgmental eye.

For the record, I told Karla that for full effect, she should display it this way:


She argued that from her vantage point, this was the most accurate position:


Whatever.

More importantly, it now takes its place in Mitch's Pantheon Of Disfigured, Disgusting and Otherwise Odd Food:


Mitch keeps most of these objects in a Ziploc in his desk. The various items are becoming quite an impressive collection.

They include:


The M&M with a nipple.

The diseased, flagellating pork rind.

The Siamese jellybeans.

And the slice of crustless bread that has yet to mold after almost three years of exposure.

Posted by Jeff at November 20, 2004 07:13 PM | TrackBack