April 02, 2005


I've decided something crucial to the evolution of the Salad Bowl: It desperately needs an enemies list.
Think about it; every notorious figure of our time has had something of a running tally in his head of someone or some group that he'd really rather not exist, if a perfect world could be created.
Like Richard Nixon.
Here's how Wikipedia explains the phenomenon: [Link]
Nixon's Enemies List is the informal name of what started as a list of the Nixon administration's major political opponents compiled by Charles Colson and sent in memorandum form to John Dean on September 9, 1971. The list was part of a campaign officially known as "Opponents List" and "Political Enemies Project." The official purpose, as described by the White House Counsel's Office, was to "screw" Nixon's political enemies, by means of tax audits from the IRS, and by manipulating "grant availability, federal contracts, litigation, prosecution, etc."
It didn't exactly work out for Nixon. He took his list and became so fixated on reaping the benefits of such a fevered agenda of poltical elimination that he never could quite keep his upper lip free of tyrannical flop sweat. Then when news of the list came out, it gave his critics even more ammunition to attack him as the petty, paranoid bastard that he truly was. He was brilliant, but he was a total and complete nutjob.
Then again, news of Nixon's list when it broke did bolster the careers of many of those whom he hated - namely newsman Daniel Schorr and columnist Mary McGrory. If I can bring positive change through hatred, I'd consider it somewhat of a bonus.
Now, if I had to be honest, I'd have to say that I'm not the kind of person who harbors much of a grudge, other than the one I've had since 1982 because Joey Gaeta tried to co-opt my nickname by putting it on the front of his diarrhea-brown house-painted Fred Sanford pickup truck.
But I digress.
I'm not the kind who exact tolls or contemplates elaborate schemes of revenge. But that doesn't mean that I can't harbor great cesspools of hatred for various persons and entities. I'm a human being. I'm imperfect. I have personal fatwas tumbling through the laundromat dryer in my head, just like the next guy. And so I've decided to feed that weak link in my nature by putting it on display here so that others may learn and gain enjoyment from my example.
So it is with great pride and fanfare that I introduce the first entrant on the official Side Salad Enemy List:

The screaming, rabid, frothing-at-the-mouth Dagwood Bumstead of infomercial hell: Matthew Lesko.
Here's a big cup of STFU, buddy. Posted by Jeff at April 2, 2005 06:34 AM

Great concept, Jeff. And an even better inaugural entry. God, I loathe that Lesko guy. Not only is he loud and obnoxious, he's getting rich off every deadbeat who thinks the U.S. government is a money-printing facility. "Need money to buy porn??!??! I'll tell you how!!!!!"


Posted by: scotty at April 7, 2005 12:42 PM
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