By the looks of my visitor registry, there's a whole passel of Rain Men out there definitely looking for, definitely looking for:
A. Pics/photos/video/etchings of race car driver Danica Patrick, either clothed, unclothed naked, nude, semi-nude, driving a car in her bikini or wearing a burlap sack.B. Pics/photos/video/etchings of alleged actress/singer Jessica Simpson, either clothed, naked, nude, semi-nude, holding hands with the methadone-treatment-appearing Johnny Knoxville or washing a car in her bikini or wearing a burlap sack while singing "These Boots Are Made For Walking" next to what appears to be a scraggly wax monolith of Willie Nelson.
C. Photos of broken female fingernails.
First I'd like to say, y'all are freaks. Climb out from under the sink, take your thorazine and do something with your lives that involves non-threatening human contact. Especially you Lee Press-On fetishists. I've got no time for you, but maybe someone out there in the world will. Try the bus station. I hear the cream chipped beef is great there.
Second, I feel the need at some point to act as an enabler, especially when I consider that my satisfying gutteral and disgusting urges brought on by your manic and misplaced obsessions could lead to at least a mild level of observational comedy on my end. And, after all, this blog is all about me. Or it should be. Or not. But definitely one of the two.
So, you know, here you go. Here's your heroin speedball. I hope you can live with youselves. These women aren't my cup of tea, but that's not really the point here, is it? I'm just the Singapore-level-me-love-you-long-time slut for blog traffic here, scratching your back while you click on mine. (Not really, I'm just hoping that the words "slut," "thorazine," "naked," "Jessica Simpson" and "Danica Patrick" show up in someone's browser search.)
Ahem:
Danica Patrick: Here, here, here, here, and here.
Jessica Simpson: courtesy of The Superficial (Hey, why shouldn't I send you to the source, yanno? At least he'll get the ad money): here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. Oh, and you can see the raccoon-eyed skeezix's video for that ridiculous song by clicking here.
Main man Vern. V-E-R-N. Who's on first? Yeah.
I almost made it through the whole of the Simpson video and then I just snapped, slapped myself, gougde my eyeball out and ate it, hence the reason I stopped watching it, eyeballs aren't that tasty. Sweet mary mudder of gawd, and wtf was Willie Nelson thinking, damn stoner. :p
Posted by: Cupie at June 12, 2005 02:00 PMI'm an excellent driver. Yeah. Uh oh, 10 minutes to Wapner.
Posted by: Rommie at June 13, 2005 10:11 AM
