July 04, 2005
THIS IS A SIDE SALAD JOINT
Pulled through Dunkin' Donuts for a cup of coffee the other night outside Baltimore to see this sign:
For the record, the staff at Side Salad asks that you do the same.
Editor's Note: This photo was shot as La Madre de la Ensalada was attempting to heed the sign's warnings while we were waiting for our coffee. She got out of our rental car, took about 20 paces to the west and took a couple drags off a Parliament filtered.
A few seconds later, she noticed something laying upon the broken asphalt.
Then she proceeds to yell.
"JEFF!"
No response. I was in full coffee mode. Also, I tend to ignore my mom when she makes wild vocal getsiculations in public.
"JEFF," she screams again.
This time I cannot ignore.
"What?"
She then whispers something that was inaudible from 40 feet.
I turn to ignore her.
"JEFF!!!!" she screams for the third time. By now, the horses at Pimlico can hear her.
"WHAT????" (The extra question marks are intended to denote a lack of patience)
And she returns to inaudible whispering.
It is here that we start to resemble the retarded.
It isn't until she returns to the back seat and closes the door that she announces that she had "found a fatty" in the parking lot.
"I didn't want to pick it up, though,'' she says. "I mean, what if the cops had put it there and were waiting for someone to pick it up?"
I've heard that Hippie Lettuce makes you paranoid. But it usually requires that you smoke it first.
I considered going back to at least get a photo of Sleeping Doobie laying dormant on the ground, but reconsidered. After all, maybe the cops put it there hoping someone would drive through, make fun of a sign about liquid and cigarettes and then spend three minutes performing the worst two-person mime act in a parking lot before driving away and then coming back to photograph the source of the stupidity.
Of course, that might have just been the java talking.