SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

WARM UP THE TIVO

Is this big news? I don't know, but I do know the hysterical reaction it got when I mentioned having seen it on the wires late Monday:

The Weather Channel tries to loosen up by bringing in comedian

NEW YORK - The Weather Channel forecast: a high-pressure system of comedy.
The cable channel will feature Lewis Black … known for his rants on Comedy Central's ""The Daily Show'' … in a handful of segments starting Wednesday night.

He's the first in what the Weather Channel hopes is a series
of celebrity guests.

""We're going to try a few segments to spice things up a little bit,'' said Terry Connelly, the network's senior vice president and general manager.

Black gets the chance to try out some of the network's forecasting maps and chat on camera with weathercaster Dave Schwartz. He also gets to deliver a few comic riffs on global warming and airport delays, Connelly said.

Connelly quietly put out the word recently, asking celebrities to drop by if they're near the company's Atlanta headquarters. Black, a closet weather fan, was quick to reply.

I was pumped when I heard this. I'm a big fan of Black's comedy. It'll be interesting to see how apoplectic this guy goes, since his weather rants are legendary. They're going to need a six-year delay button for this one.

Some of his weather-related material:

They've gotta stop reporting wind chill, that's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, 'well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3.' ...well, then it's minus 3 asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!
* * *

[On the coldest winter ever]
No, it was the coldest winter, literally, that I can remember in my life. It was really nice weather if you were a fucking moose. If you had fur on your nuts, it was a festival out there. It was an absolute dog-shit winter. And dog shit would've been better because it's warmer.

* * *

"I don't know what's more nuts...weather or the weathermen. A few years ago here in New York City, we had a blizzard. 36 inches of snow. I guess you Midwesterners would call that a dusting. Well, our weatherman at the time, Al Roker, predicted we'd have 4 - 12 inches of snow. Well, giving him the benefit of the doubt, that stills leaves him 2 feet off. This was an emergency condition. Now if you were a roofer and you built a roof and it was 2 feet off, you'd still be serving time.

Now, what's meteorologist mean in English. It means liar. And what's the best job you can have in the world. It's being the weatherperson in San Diego, CA. It doesn't get any better than that. You're on TV for less than a minute. You've got a 6-figure income. They're like, "What's the weather going to be like, Lewis?'' "Nice....back to you.''

Now the weather can be just as crazy. This past December in parts of the country where it should have been cold, it actually got into the 70's. What was that about? The 70's, in December? Do you know what that means, it's going to be in August? About 312. You're going to come home from work, the sun will be beating on your little heads, you'll be sweating like pigs, you'll go to the refrigerator, open it up to get something to drink and the eggs will be done. And then you'll think back to this moment you heard me and you'll think 'well, that guy wasn't that funny, but he was a prophet.'"

All was well with this story until I got to the part of the article where it discussed the Weather Channel's plans to vary its format:

The Weather Channel hopes occasional celebrity guests liven what's often a staid presentation. The network has begun experimenting with a weekend morning show that puts the weathercasters on couches instead of behind desks, and is considering a weekday show that Connelly called a cross between "The View'' and Martha Stewart's daytime program.

Oh, man. You had me at Lewis Black. did you have to go to "The View?"

Posted by Jeff at November 9, 2005 04:32 AM