SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

(NOT SO) BIG BAM BOOM

Regular readers know that post topics here are cyclical, with every six months being marked by photos of some sort of pyrotechnical display in the neighborhood. Fourth of July. New Year's Eve. Fourth of July. It's the circle of life.

But without my usual fireworks compadres Mike and Drew, I was left to my own devices to entertain the masses.

Before I go any deeper into the topic, let me just say that my fireworks sucked this year. I waited too long to buy them and the only ones I could find that were worth a darn were at Costco. Which, you know, is where I buy everything. Usually I'm more than satisfied. This time, I was not.

How bad were they?

They were so bad, I stopped lighting them with a quarter of the box left. I got bored

They were so bad, I didn't even take any photos of them going off.

They were so bad, I let Salad Boy light them off by himself. They were that harmless.

That should tell you everything you need to know.

That and they cost me a hundred bucks.

Yeah, I was very pleased.

The sad part was that the best entertainment the box of fireworks had to offer was the warning on the back:

If you look closer, you'll see that the manufacturer employed a superhero to explain the basics.

That superhero's name?

The Preventor!

And what does he advise?

Subliminal message: Don't bother suing us.

Subliminal message: Unless they're the offspring of Danny Bonaduce.

Subliminal message: Unless you're incinerating a man-eating hibiscus.

Subliminal message: Is that a mortar tube in your pocket or are you just Preventor?

I was, however, puzzled by the name of one of the fireworks in the box:

I wasn't about to light this one in front of the children.

Posted by Jeff at January 3, 2006 01:57 AM