February 27, 2006

DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL

I have sort of a dark appreciation for warning instructions found in owners manuals of household products. I like to watch clowns suffer debilitating injuries while falling from fast-moving vehicles, too. I'm that kind of guy.

So when I got a set of NapaStyle kitchen knives recently as a gift, (Which I love, incidentally. A laser-sharp knife is a joy forever), I just had to read the admonitions.

KnifeWarning.jpg

Oh, this should be good. I don't want to say it's wordy and boring, but it looks like the opening title crawl from "Star Wars."


KnifeWarning1.jpg

No, these instructions are to indemnify your company in case Jeffrey Dahmer comes back to do a little carving.

I mean, let's at least be honest with each other, knife company to newly gifted knife owner.


KnifeWarning2.jpg

Thanks for the advice about the hand and fingers. Who do you think is using these things, Seth from "City of Angels"?


KnifeWarning4.jpg

Sing along with me, Perry Como fans...

"Catch a falling knife and put it in your pocket..."

Jesus Jones on a jump rope. How stupid do they think we are? If a knife falls, I'm not catching. I'm dancing. Like a frog on a hot plate.

Good lord. What other nonsensical babble are they going to foist?


KnifeWarning3.jpg

Oh.

Okay.

::::innocent whistling:::

Guess whose son cut himself on Daddy-O's new knives?

You guessed it; Son of Salad.

Nevermind.



Posted by Jeff at February 27, 2006 07:55 AM
Comments

I love odd warning labels-- like the one on the hair dryer that says Do Not Use While Sleeping.

heh heh

Posted by: L at March 2, 2006 11:27 PM
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