SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

TIME FOR SCRUBBING BUBBLES

Seems like everyone's in the mood to remodel their potty these days. First Jacqueline created a lavish bathroom Louis XIV could love. Now Monkey's in the mood. And what he's found in the process isn't attractive. All you need to know: He's titled his post, "86 years of pee."

Oh man, I can't wait to get in that bathroom and start busting shit apart with my crowbar. We've already torn the baseboard out and peered underneath the tub — the original 1920 tub, mind you — where we found piles of fossilized rat feces, an acorn, (apparently we had squirrels living under our tub) and Gary Cherone.

Our plan is to restore the bathroom back to its natural 1920's Craftsman Bungalow glory, complete with subway tile and the original 1x1-inch hex floor, which is still intact. (Obsessive Bungaloids may recognize these terms I throw about so loosely in hopes that others will be tricked into thinking I'm knowledgeable.)

So we'll break some stuff, hire a couple of plumbers and electricians, and in a few weeks we'll be able to lift the fatwa we issued on the bathroom. (As a total aside, has anyone noticed that fatwas only get issued and jihad can only be declared? Nobody never declares a fatwa or issues jihad. Those damn Arabs are so particular.)