December 04, 2006

JUMP ON IT, APACHE

You might have noticed in a photo in a post below that there was a gentleman in a stocking cap perched on an odd apparatus.

His name is Rob. He's a salesman at Brookstone in the Brandon Town Center mall.

iGallopExerciseMachine.JPGWhile we were shopping Saturday night, we came upon this gadget in the front of his store called an iGallop. The concept: exercise your abs, back, butt and legs by riding a device that simulates the oscillation experienced by riding horseback.

As the Brookstone site explains:

The secret is in its zero-impact, tri-axial riding action. Your body automatically responds to its multidirectional movement, and this balancing engages certain muscle groups and may help improve coordination and posture.

Okay. Whatever.

The funny part: Rob could do this shit. He did a hand press with his legs spread that was borderline Kurt Thomas in "Gymkata" material.

When I asked to take his photo, he didn't flinch. "People ask to take my picture all the time," he said.

I'm guessing Rob's dance card is full.

Even funnier is that there's a competing product (you knew there had to be) called a Joba that goes a step beyond and actually puts a saddle on the damn thing. Just slip on your Lycra jodhpurs and go to town.

The only ass-reduction I witnessed took place as people who were walking past this thing laughed their asses off.

Why?

iGallopExercisePorn.JPG

Because in the video that ran on a TV behind the iGallops in the doorway, a woman who was demonstrating the workouts you could do essentially looked like she was demonstrating exercise porn. Legs were akimbo, arms were flailing and beneath it all was this bucking, vibrating engine making everything she had shake and wiggle. Which, you know, is great entertainment in the mall on a Saturday night, but I don't know any woman who'd want to look like that while they were exercising. That probably says more about the women I know, but that's another post for another time.

Need proof that this is hardcore stuff? Here's the rather risque ad they use to sell it in Asia:


Big White Guy, who as you might guess is a big, white guy, lives in Hong Kong. I've been reading his fish-out-of-water blog for years.

His take on the device's appeal in that country when it showed up in HK in April this year:

Hong Kongers are suckers for exercise equipment that reduces the need for real exertion.

So are Valricans.

Salad Wife, who is the only person I've ever known who has worn out a home treadmill due to overuse, had only two things to say when she saw it.

To Rob The Salesman: "Is this a joke?"

To The Salad Husband: "Do NOT get this for me for Christmas."

I make no promises. Okay, I promise. Temporarily. Or maybe just for this Christmas - it sells for the bargain price of $499. But maybe not for a Christmas down the road. Because you know this demon thing will start showing up at Goodwill and the Ruskin Flea Market in about two years.

Not surprisingly, the iGallop already has inspired a rash of spoofs, including one by a couple women who tried to do the exercises done by the woman in the training video.

My favorite is this one, which features a cat riding on the saddle of the device:


The cat's name?

Salad.

[Insert your own "tossed salad" joke here.]


Posted by Jeff at December 4, 2006 06:33 PM | TrackBack
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