February 02, 2007
MY BREAKFAST WITH ANDRE
SCENE NO. 1: INTERIOR. HOME. DINING ROOM TABLE. An 11-year-old boy is eating breakfast before school as his father works on a laptop. He is seated across from him.
SON: What would you say if I changed my name?
FATHER: [After several seconds of silent contemplation] Depends on what the name is.
SON: [Replying immediately] How about Shooter McGee?
FATHER: I'd say eat your damn breakfast, Shooter.
[A minute of silence passes. The boy continues to chew his banana slices. The father continues tapping on the keyboard.]
SON: Or, I could change it to Bart Starr.
FATHER: Taken.
SON: Lynn Swann?
FATHER: Taken.
SON: Terry Bradshaw?
FATHER: Taken.
SON: [After several seconds pass] Howie Tong?
FATHER: Very original. Moderately taken.
[Several seconds pass. The boy begins to smirk as his mind spins. The father awaits the next name with reluctant anticipation.]
SON: Terry Crabclaw?
FATHER: You've just gone into mascot territory.
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