April 17, 2007
COMPARE AND CONTRAST:
ANTHONY BOURDAIN AND ME
WROTE ABOUT THE FOOD NETWORK AWARDS:
Bourdain: Yes
Me: Yes
ONCE ABUSED HEROIN
Bourdain: Famously so
Me: No, but was willing to learn
DESCRIBED HOW TRULY ATROCIOUS THIS AWARDS SHOW WAS
Bourdain: "The production itself--above and beyond the witless, ill-considered, just-plain stupid "concept" of an Awards show where most of the "awards" went to inanimate objects (accepting the award for Best Comfort Food is...Macaroni and Cheese!!), appliances or cities (Portland's mayor wisely did not bother to show),--the production values--were lower than whale shit. The food styling during the "Best New Appliance" looked like some kind of 1960's themed monkey effluence, dying, soggy, butt-ugly. Perfectly appropriate to the Info-mercial From Hell theme of the presentation as a whole--but still shamefully crude for any "Food" network."
Me: "Zeta-Jones flowed out the door of her Cadillac Escalade in a long black gown and immediately was met by Marc Summers, host of the Food Network's "Unwrapped" series. She answered a few "how do you feel tonight?" questions for gawkers before making her way to the paparazzi rope line. It was unclear whether she knew that her interviewer used to host "Double Dare" on Nickelodeon. Or that she was preceded on the carpet that night by Col. Sanders, the Keebler elf, Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, Pop and the California raisins. (Apparently, Mrs. Butterworth was in rehab.)"
DESCRIBED THE EVENT USING THE WORDS "CRACK-BRAINED," "RAPACIOUS," "EVIL," "GAUNTLET OF SHAM," "BUTT-SLAMMED," "DEGRADING," "LOWER THAN WHALE SH*T," AND "HIDEOUS, STULTIFYING, BORING CLUSTER-F*CK" IN HIS STORY
Bourdain: Delightfully so
Me: Not so much