As if things aren't quirky enough at work, it looks as though the Wheel of Death upstairs has been restocked.
What's for sale?
Whassat?
Could this be salad? A euphemism for not dating Lindsey Lohan? It's difficult to tell.
What else did they have?
Another bowl-shaped container. This ought to be good.
Or not.
I know it was you alfredo. You broke my heart.
Next!
Apparently, the Wheel of Death and the Wheel of Fortune are similar in that vowels cost extra.
Who wrote this, Tonto? Frankenstein? Tarzan?
Next!
This can't be good.
Buffalo's best?
I think Buffalo would dispute that claim.
Next!
Oh. Dear. Lord.
Are they serious?
Gizzards. In a vending machine.
Who the hell would buy that?
Answer: David
Yes, my Off the Eaten Path partner in crime David Williams ponied up the buck-seventy-five.
This I had to watch.
The first sign something was askew:
The distinct lack of gizzard in the ingredient list.
The second sign:
Unidentifiable fried orbs that in no way resembled gizzards, wings or anything else that could be classified as part of a chicken.
The third sign something was seriously amiss:
Were these alleged chickens from Guadalajara? What the hell did taco sauce have to do with this?
Adios mio!
By this point, most sane people would have merely tossed the package and its contents into the waste bin.
Not David. He had to pop them into the microwave and eat them.
And I, playing Sancho Panza to his gizzard Don Quixote, joined him for the feast.
Every emotion you can read in David's face accurately depicts the flavor atrocity being committed in his mouth.
It was chewy. No, it was beyond chewy. Chewy in a way that you would imagine fossilized whale genitalia would be chewy. Popping noises created by my attempts to chew were so loud and disturbing, it sounded as if I was being devoured from the inside by some sort of cerebral parasite. Much of it could not be masticated into something worth swallowing. The rest tasted like I was chewing someone else's cud. Not even fake mild taco sauce could salvage this experience.
It's one saving grace: At least it wasn't labeled a healthy decision.