July 30, 2007


When exactly did it become so difficult to get contacts? Seriously. It's easier to smuggle yourself into the country than it is to get two tiny plastic circles in your eyes.

Follow along if you know the drill.

1. You get your eyes dilated and examined.

2. Then you have to come back and get a trial pair that have been special ordered.

3. You come back later that week to get your glasses to go with your contacts.

4. A week after that you get your eyes checked again.

5. If all looks well (after an exhaustive 45-second examination), you order your year's supply, if you can afford it.

6. You pick your contacts up in 7 to 10 days.

As if that wasn't enough work, you also have to deal with employees at the eye franchise that are, how should we say ... indifferent to your occular plight.

With this in mind, I went to my local Visionpaloozacenter a couple minutes early to see if I could shorten the process between No. 4 and No. 5.

As I walk up with the Salad Bride in tow, one of the sales associates asks, "Can I help you?"

I tell her yes, that I'm here a little early to get my contacts checked.

"Oh, are you Kane Wayne?"


"Kane Wayne. Are you Kane Wayne?"

"No, I'm Jeff."

Disappointed, she looked at her appointment book, told me to have a seat.

"You should have told her you were Kane," said Salad Wife.

"I should have said my name was Kanye, not Kane."

Of course, the rest of the weekend, I am referred to mainly as Kane.

Everyone could use an alter ego, right?

Posted by Jeff at July 30, 2007 06:30 PM | TrackBack
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