SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

FIVE ENTIRELY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT THE BUCS

ENTIRELY RANDOM THING NO. 1 ABOUT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS:

Much like the guy in "Titanic" who jumps off the stern when the ship gets to a 45-degree angle only to cartwheel after pinging off the propeller, everyone with fingers and a keyboard is picking the Bucs to finish either last or damn near close to it in the NFC South division.

The latest to join the panicky jumpers is The Hater Nation, which, admittedly, does so with a very soft hammer and a small measure of pin-up softcore in its Super Bowl Buzz Kill:

Now, long-time readers of The Hater Nation know that the Buccaneers preview provides a perfect opportunity to talk about Carmella DeCashowdidyouscorethischick? And you’re right. This would be a perfect opportunity, but the truth is, there is a lot of love for Jeff Garcia. And one of the THN patron saints, Jon Gruden. So it’s hard to talk about this team.

And let’s not forget about The Captain. Not the fruity mascot from the 1970s, but an actual fan that we drank beers with prior to Super Bowl 37 in San Diego. A dude we ended up hugging after that glorious Buccaneers victory.

Well, hopefully he was a Buccaneers fan and not some dude in an eye patch, because that would be like, totally embarrassing.

But back to the matter at hand, the Buccaneers aren’t going to win the Super Bowl. And they aren’t going to the Super Bowl. The unimaginative football sites can poke fun at the Bucs quarterback position, noting that Jake Plummer would have rather retired than play in Tampa Bay. And that’s lame.

But there might be some truth to it. Not that Jake wouldn’t want to compete with Garcia and Chris Simms and that polish guy, but who the hell is going to catch the ball on this team? Boise State has a more reliable group of receivers. Seems that maybe instead of picking up quarterbacks the way homeless pirates in San Diego collect bottles and hugs, the team might have gone out and addressed that glaring need at receiver. A position so bad, that Buccaneers fans are reminiscing about the Keyshawn Johnson era.

Sorry Tampa, much love for you, but it just ain’t happening.

ENTIRELY RANDOM THING NO. 2 ABOUT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS:

In this photo I took of Paris Warren's ankle break...

... I inadvertantly captured my neighbor, Patrick, recoiling in horror 100 yards away at the carnage before him:

The best part: I had no idea he was in the stands.

ENTIRELY RANDOM THING NO. 3 ABOUT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS:

Don't ask me how - because I don't remember - but I stumbled on a photo in Flickr that shows a very young and muscular Jon Gruden with his shirt off.

Ladies, you can thank me later.

ENTIRELY RANDOM THING NO. 4 ABOUT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS:

Jon Gruden likes to hang backstage with singer Robin Zander of Cheap Trick.

ENTIRELY RANDOM THING NO. 5 ABOUT THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS:

They need to do something to train the alcohol-soaked fans in the stands how to respect personal space.

I say this after attending last week's game against the Houston Texans.

For the better part of two quarters, the gentleman seated in front of me in red - a man who could have been a dead ringer for an offspring of former Tampa mayor Dick Greco - did everything but sew himself to his friend to the left, whom I dubbed Combover Joe.

How bad did Mini Greco make it for poor Joe?

See for yourself:

In case you missed it two frames above, this rather clingy gentleman was smoking a cigar at both ends. That should tell you just about everything you need.

Mmmmmm. Yummy.

Posted by Jeff at September 5, 2007 07:23 PM | TrackBack