April 04, 2008
LET'S SEE HOW FAR WE'VE COME
So we have this program at work in which H.R. (human resources, not Haldeman) awards parking spaces in our garage to employees each month who personify our "core values" of excellence, customer focus, innovation, self-flagellation, indignaton, fascination, deviation, mediation, liberate, liberate, liberate ...
Sorry. For a moment there, I drifted off into an INXS video. It happens.
Anyway, one of the core values they want to encourage is "diversity." It's a fairly vague word that has come to mean many things. I think it means we should "reflect the community" in our publications and broadcasts and be more diligent in hiring from all backgrounds. At least I hope it does.
How broad does that term get defined? Back in the day, six years ago this week, actually, I, a giant white male, became a diversity hire at the Trib. Why? Because all the editors in the department at that time were women and all the candidates other than me were women. That's not exactly a rare occurence when you work in features.
But I digress.
Well, last month, we had a pool of candidates to reward for the Diversity parking spot, but the committee that reviews the potential award winners chose to not do so. The parking space went without a name plate.
For about a day or so, people drove by the spot, saw the empty space but still honored the concept by not parking there. Which was cool.
Then, all of a sudden, it was open season. After the first person put their automotive toe in the water with no repercussions, everyone started doing so. Yes, including me. I rationalized it by thinking:
1. One of my supervisors is from India.
2. I hired a wildly popular Asian columnist for my Flavor section.
3. I read this story.
4. I know Patty Kim.
5. My dogs' names are Abraham and Lincoln.
6. I still know all the lyrics to this song.
Eventually, a gnawing sense of Caucasian guilt got the better of me and I stopped parking in the spot.
Soon, I didn't even have to wrestle with the guilt.
Why?
Someone in an official capacity chose to deploy The Diversity Cone of Shame.
Some might think this is a passive-aggressive way of driving a point home, especially since people actually pay every month to park in the garage.
Me? I think it was social jujutsu. They used the energy of collective greed for a close parking spot to motivate employees to work more dilligently toward that goal. All it took was a giant piece of nuclear-colored reflective plastic. I think it says a lot that no one has run over the cone or thrown it into the Hillsborough River. Forty years later, I think he'd be proud.
What has it motivated me to do? I'm headed to Target today to get me a couple giant orange cones and deploy them for dicey situations I want to avoid. The more cones the merrier, I say.
Plus, chicks dig the cone.
An aside: I can't believe I made a Watergate joke and a New Wave joke in the same post. I'm so frigging old.