December 10, 2009

Morning has broken

My new morning ritual: Watching a variety show called “Don Cheeto” on Spanish-language EstrellaTV.

I stumbled on it yesterday morning as I was flipping through the cable looking for news.

Stupid Jeff and his stupid gringo behaviors.

All this time, I could have been watching Don Cheto.

The host, who is the namesake of the show, is a giant Hispanic tubby who, yesterday, was wearing an orange Guybera shirt, fake blond wig and moustache and a cowboy hat.

What caught my eye? A midget dressed as Chucky running around with a knife and sickle throwing sombreros at everyone in the band.

Don Cheto

Then the highly attractive strapless chicas in the band returned fire.

Don Cheto

Rebuffed, the miniature man then ran to head-butt the camera.

Don Cheto

This must be what it's like to live in Gary Busey's head.

Don Cheto

For good measure, Latin Wee Man (who resembled Mitch Albom more than a little bit) then trashed the set and writhed around on the ground committing a very diminutive tantrum, during which he threw a knife at Don Cheto's bulbous Latin groin.

I am exactly this easy to amuse.

I had no idea what was going on or what the people on the show were saying, but a warm bath of euphoria swept over me as I was watching. I felt like Bill Hurt in "Altered States," simultaneously depriving my senses while bombarding my brain with too much cerebral stimulus.

If there is such a thing, I may have been experienced a "television high."

I stumbled on the show as Salad Boy was having breakfast. As I walked him out the door to go to his bus stop, I said, “Adios, muchacho.”

He said, “Dad, please don’t start talking like that show.”

I make no promises, mi amigo. No promises at all.

Posted by Jeff at December 10, 2009 07:34 AM | TrackBack
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