January 17, 2009

ANOTHER HAUNTING NOISE I NEVER NEEDED TO HEAR
[THOSE WACKY JAPANESE]



*Cross-posted at not funny/funny.


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January 16, 2009

AU REVOIR, CHUCKY
[BEST NFL COACH WHO WAS A FORMER HOOTERS CHICKEN WING COOK, EVAR!]


Jon Gruden





Jon Gruden




Jon Gruden

In light of today's news, we dip our drumettes in your honor, Jon David Gruden.



*Cross-posted over at The Stew.
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TRUE LOVE WON'T DESERT YOU
[REMAKING JOURNEY'S 'SEPARATE WAYS']





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STATE OF THE SALAD
[CHARTS AND GRAPHS, CHARTS AND GRAPHS]

I started using Google Analytics a year ago to see if I could get a better glimpse of who was visiting Side Salad. Something about me needs to know that Monday's are the most-visited days and that most visitors trip across the site at 3 p.m. Color me curious.

It probably wasn't the best year to do so, since I didn't have a great deal of time to keep the site updated as much as I would have liked. But so be it.

To soothe my ruptured self-esteem, I refer to another rival counter that says the Salad has had 163,653 page views since 2004. So suck on it.

But according to the more depressing numbers from Google for the year Jan. 15, 2008 to Jan. 14, 2009:

Side Salad site usage

Side Salad visitors overview and traffic sources

Where do the Salad readers come from?

Side Salad visits from 67 countries

More specifically...

Side Salad nations visited

In the U.S., we're a little heavy on the east coast for some reason.

Side Salad Blacklick

But we're very big in Blacklick, Pa.

Side Salad Florida Thonotosassa

Thonotosassa just happens to be one of my favorite Florida words.

Side Salad Odessa Texas

One of every 1,010 residents of Odessa, Tx., is a Side Salad reader, per capita speaking.

We should probably run for mayor.

Side Salad Australia

We're very proud of our bicoastal presence in Australia.

Side Salad Turkey

Istanbul was Constantinople, you know.

Side Salad China


Chongqing has more than 31 million residents. That means one out of every 15.5 million Chongqingians is a Side Salad reader.

Saturation can be a slow process.

Side Salad Iran

This certainly explains where Drew was in February.





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WHAT'S UP, BRA?
[IF YOU KNEW LINCOLN LIKE I KNEW LINCOLN]

AskMen.com [Huh?] has a list of what it considers its Top 10 Manly Dogs.

Ignoring the obvious stereotypes of what it means to be manly these days - or a dog, for that matter, much less a dog owned by a manly man dog owner - how did they grade such a thing?

Manly dogs are not necessarily aggressive or wild by nature. Manly dogs are measured by their physical presence (a combination of size, strength, endurance, agility, and appearance), intelligence and personality.

::::chewing my invisible gum::::

In at No. 2: the black Labrador retriever.

Of which they say:

Top 10 Manly Dogs - No. 2, Black Lab

I don't dispute the description. They just forgot that some dogs are more manly than others.

Dog Bra

I don't see this one dragging a net to shore. Maybe a pair of fishnets, but probably not anything with the day's catch in it.




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January 15, 2009

DON'T TRY TO DESCRIBE A 'STAR WARS' MOVIE IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IT
['THEY GO TO THE BAR PLANET ... THEY FREE HANS FROM THE STUFF.']






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ROBOTS ARE OUR FRIENDS
[CAN JAY LENO PLEASE LEAVE EARLY?]





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January 13, 2009

BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE?
[COINS OF THE REALM]

We stand on the verge of a historic political moment, just 10 days from watching an event some thought would never come.

How best to memorialize that epic victory over prejudice and slavery?

By hawking souvenir coins from a mock-up of the Oval Office.

President Montel?

Stay classy, America.


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January 09, 2009

TURN THE PAGE
[GATORS ARE FRONT-PAGE CHAMPIONS ONCE AGAIN]






*To watch full-screen, click the arrows that appear in the right corner when you click inside the box. Or, you know, just click here.

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THE WINDOW SAYS IT ALL [AGAIN]


Tebow Is A God



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January 05, 2009

PRESS RELEASES WE HAVE KNOWN
[MORE TREASURE FROM THE FILES OF SIDE SALAD]

Why couldn't I have found this during the Calendar of Disturbing Santas?

Santa's Unavailable For Comment At This Time


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A POSSIBLE ANSWER FOR FRONT-YARD TRAMPOLINES,
INFREQUENT MOWING AND LATE-NIGHT MOTORCYCLE-ASSISTED DOG WALKING
[PASSIVE-AGGRESSION AT ITS FINEST]

Anyone know where I can get my hands on a rooster with great lungs?



Posted by Jeff at 06:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 04, 2009

REGRETS? I'VE HAD A FEW.
[I SHARE TOO MUCH]


Cookie Puss-a-Palooza



Making friends wherever I go



Jeff with drag queens



Crispy fried pig intestine



Concert Tickets






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January 03, 2009

PROVING THE LAW OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
[TREASURE FROM THE FILES OF SIDE SALAD]

From Oct. 20, 1990:

Convicted burglar bags $1,00 in loot in Times contest

Convicted burglar bags $1,00 in loot in Times contest

Convicted burglar bags $1,00 in loot in Times contest

Convicted burglar bags $1,000 in loot in Times contest


Nevermind that "cashword" should have been two words.


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January 02, 2009

WHERE SOME SEE A POWER PLANT, OTHERS SEE DIVINE SYMBOLS
[THE MIRACLE OF THE TECO SUN CROSS]


I found this outstanding video while searching on Google Maps.

The music cinches it for me:


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HOW WE SPENT NEW YEAR'S DAY
[SETTING AN UNREASONABLE STANDARD FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR]


New Year's 2009



New Year's 2009



New Year's 2009



New Year's 2009



New Year's 2009







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January 01, 2009

SOME THINGS ARE FUNNY. SOME THINGS ARE NOT
[THE SALAD MAKES A BABY]


Hair

So, there's a new blog project here in Saladland.

I know, I know. You're thinking, "But he can't even keep this blog going, much less launch something new."

I hear you, and I'm listening. I share your concern. And now I'm disregarding it.

So with that, I give you the very Zen-like Not Funny/Funny (notfunnyfunny.tumblr.com)

I was going to explain it with a lot of blah-blah, but you can figure it out on your own.

Yes, I am that sensitive to your needs.

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