January 17, 2009
ANOTHER HAUNTING NOISE I NEVER NEEDED TO HEAR
[THOSE WACKY JAPANESE]
*Cross-posted at not funny/funny.
January 16, 2009
AU REVOIR, CHUCKY
[BEST NFL COACH WHO WAS A FORMER HOOTERS CHICKEN WING COOK, EVAR!]
In light of today's news, we dip our drumettes in your honor, Jon David Gruden.
*Cross-posted over at The Stew.
STATE OF THE SALAD
[CHARTS AND GRAPHS, CHARTS AND GRAPHS]
I started using Google Analytics a year ago to see if I could get a better glimpse of who was visiting Side Salad. Something about me needs to know that Monday's are the most-visited days and that most visitors trip across the site at 3 p.m. Color me curious.
It probably wasn't the best year to do so, since I didn't have a great deal of time to keep the site updated as much as I would have liked. But so be it.
To soothe my ruptured self-esteem, I refer to another rival counter that says the Salad has had 163,653 page views since 2004. So suck on it.
But according to the more depressing numbers from Google for the year Jan. 15, 2008 to Jan. 14, 2009:
Where do the Salad readers come from?
More specifically...
In the U.S., we're a little heavy on the east coast for some reason.
But we're very big in Blacklick, Pa.
Thonotosassa just happens to be one of my favorite Florida words.
One of every 1,010 residents of Odessa, Tx., is a Side Salad reader, per capita speaking.
We should probably run for mayor.
We're very proud of our bicoastal presence in Australia.
Istanbul was Constantinople, you know.
Chongqing has more than 31 million residents. That means one out of every 15.5 million Chongqingians is a Side Salad reader.
Saturation can be a slow process.
This certainly explains where Drew was in February.
WHAT'S UP, BRA?
[IF YOU KNEW LINCOLN LIKE I KNEW LINCOLN]
AskMen.com [Huh?] has a list of what it considers its Top 10 Manly Dogs.
Ignoring the obvious stereotypes of what it means to be manly these days - or a dog, for that matter, much less a dog owned by a manly man dog owner - how did they grade such a thing?
Manly dogs are not necessarily aggressive or wild by nature. Manly dogs are measured by their physical presence (a combination of size, strength, endurance, agility, and appearance), intelligence and personality.
::::chewing my invisible gum::::
In at No. 2: the black Labrador retriever.
Of which they say:
I don't see this one dragging a net to shore. Maybe a pair of fishnets, but probably not anything with the day's catch in it.
January 15, 2009
DON'T TRY TO DESCRIBE A 'STAR WARS' MOVIE IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IT
['THEY GO TO THE BAR PLANET ... THEY FREE HANS FROM THE STUFF.']
January 13, 2009
BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE?
[COINS OF THE REALM]
We stand on the verge of a historic political moment, just 10 days from watching an event some thought would never come.
How best to memorialize that epic victory over prejudice and slavery?
By hawking souvenir coins from a mock-up of the Oval Office.
January 09, 2009
TURN THE PAGE
[GATORS ARE FRONT-PAGE CHAMPIONS ONCE AGAIN]
*To watch full-screen, click the arrows that appear in the right corner when you click inside the box. Or, you know, just click here.
January 05, 2009
PRESS RELEASES WE HAVE KNOWN
[MORE TREASURE FROM THE FILES OF SIDE SALAD]
Why couldn't I have found this during the Calendar of Disturbing Santas?
A POSSIBLE ANSWER FOR FRONT-YARD TRAMPOLINES,
INFREQUENT MOWING AND LATE-NIGHT MOTORCYCLE-ASSISTED DOG WALKING
[PASSIVE-AGGRESSION AT ITS FINEST]
Anyone know where I can get my hands on a rooster with great lungs?
January 04, 2009
January 03, 2009
PROVING THE LAW OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
[TREASURE FROM THE FILES OF SIDE SALAD]
From Oct. 20, 1990:
Nevermind that "cashword" should have been two words.
January 02, 2009
WHERE SOME SEE A POWER PLANT, OTHERS SEE DIVINE SYMBOLS
[THE MIRACLE OF THE TECO SUN CROSS]
I found this outstanding video while searching on Google Maps.
The music cinches it for me:
January 01, 2009
SOME THINGS ARE FUNNY. SOME THINGS ARE NOT
[THE SALAD MAKES A BABY]
So, there's a new blog project here in Saladland.
I know, I know. You're thinking, "But he can't even keep this blog going, much less launch something new."
I hear you, and I'm listening. I share your concern. And now I'm disregarding it.
So with that, I give you the very Zen-like Not Funny/Funny (notfunnyfunny.tumblr.com)
I was going to explain it with a lot of blah-blah, but you can figure it out on your own.
Yes, I am that sensitive to your needs.