July 29, 2010
July 28, 2010
It Was 20 Years Ago Today
[Happy Anniversary]
I wish I had a dime for every photo like this that I have over two decades...
Happy anniversary, Rosie.
July 25, 2010
Stop Pulling My Jeg
[The Things We See Which We Reject]
Priest: Do you reject Satan?Response: I do.
Priest: And all his works?
Response: I do.
Priest: And all his empty retail catchphrases?
Response: I do.
July 21, 2010
Making Mayoral Mischief
[Punking Foursquare]
Mission accomplished.
PREVIOUS EPISODES OF 'PUNKING FOURSQUARE'
Paddle, Paddle, Paddle, Paddle, Stroke
[Father's Day In July]
I was lucky enough to get a kayak for Father's Day.
Life has been hella-hectic the last few months. So when we got a chance to go out on the water last weekend, we jumped at it and put the boats in on Tierra Verde.
The conditions really couldn't have been more perfect.
Low wind, sunny, calm water.
The horseshoe crabs were molting their shells.
We paddled out to Shell Key Preserve, just off the tip of Pass-a-Grille.
They have a few rules there.
And a few shells. Hence the name.
The highlight of the day: Paddling back into a narrow channel inside a mangrove stand. It was so unbelievably peaceful.
July 20, 2010
Call Me 'Hizzoner,' Please
[Punking Foursquare In One Easy Move]
Ah, friendship.
Still want to be friends?
PREVIOUS EPISODES OF 'PUNKING FOURSQUARE'
Sombreros In The News
[Some Things Are Too Good To Throw Away]
It's been far too long since a sombrero made an appearance in the Salad Bowl.
We're about to rectify that.
My favorite recent sombrero-related news item: A Boston Bruins hockey fan who made a "ticket sombrero" with the remnants from his 1970 season tickets.
Better yet: This item is for sale on eBay:
This eBay auction boasts that the games were played at the Boston Garden; that the tickets feature "every game played by Bobby Orr including Stanley Cup games, playoffs and finals"; and that the game tickets were originally priced at $4 apiece ... or 1/500th the cost of a Boston Bruins ticket sombrero.
Not a hockey fan? Perhaps you'll enjoy this act of staged hat-related public protest.
Police in Paradise Valley, Arizona took a giant sombrero into custody last month because it had interfered with a roadside speed camera. Members of the group CameraFraud had gathered beside the device on June 11 to protest the use of automated ticketing machines while the Daily Show's Olivia Munn filmed the action.About a dozen surrounded the sombrero-topped camera which carried a sign painted in the colors of the Mexican flag reading, "Deport Me" when Paradise Valley Police Officer Steven Chavira arrived on the scene, furious at what was going on.
"Turn off that camera," he yelled at the film crew while holding his hand over the camera lens.
Chavira ripped down the "Deport Me" sign, then jumped several times in vain attempts to reach the giant hat that rested on the camera head just beyond his reach. After using a stick, Chavira and a second officer were able to knock off the sombrero, which he stomped on several times before taking it into custody in his patrol car.
Then there was this feature today "Strangest Roadside Attractions" on ABC News' web site. It included the giant, sombrero-wearing amigo at South of the Border:
Strange? Perhaps to someone who thinks a 27-foot-tall penguin in Cut Bank, Mont., is a big deal. To the members of Salad Nation? Ain't nuthin' but a thang.
The world would be a much better place with more oversize sombreros, if you ask me.
A sombrero also made the police blotter recently as a co-conspirator:
SPRINGBORO — Police were hunting a black male wearing a red shirt and sombrero after he robbed a Little Caesars pizza restaurant at 228 W. Central Ave.Nobody was hurt in the incident, which was reported at 11:42 a.m., a police dispatcher said.
The least he could have done was rob a Taco Bell or an El Pollo Loco. Would have been much more sartorially accurate.
Lastly, there's the story of four men who are attempting to cover a mountain in the Andes with white paint as a way of combatting global warming.
The painters who have already completed two hectares of a planned 70 have been recruited from Licapa village, which depends on the run-off from the mountain for its waterBy painting the mountains, Eduardo Gold hopes to replicate the effect of Andean glaciers, which reflect back sunlight and hence heat back through the atmosphere.
The technique is scientifically plausible and, according to some scientists, may be the only method of lowering global temperatures in a crisis.
Obama's green guru calls for white roofs "A white surface reflects the sun's rays back through the atmosphere and into space, in doing so it cools the area around it too," said the 55-year-old activist. "In effect in creates a micro-climate, so we can say that the cold generates more cold, just as heat generates more heat."
It is hoped the project will slow the melting of the glaciers.
Four workmen have been given the task of painting three peaks.
The peak they're starting with?
Peru's 4,756 metres-above-sea-level Chalon Sombrero mountain.
Another Crouton In The Salad Bowl
[Please Welcome Avery Hughes]
That's my nephew Adam, his wife Ashley and their new baby, Avery, who came to us last night a little after 5 p.m.
I've known Adam a long time. Since he was about 6, actually.
Back then he was a fun kid who loved to play Tiger Heli on his Nintendo. He was a great little league baseball player with a cannon for an arm. He was a little spoiled, but he was an only child at that point and he deserved all the love and attention he got.
My favorite Adam story is the one where he's about 9 or 10. We're shopping at Sawgrass Mills, a Pentagon-size mall outside of Fort Lauderdale.
Adam was at a "gimme gimme" stage of his life. He knew he could pretty much ask for whatever he wanted and he'd get it.
He was walking with his aunt Ruth, his aunt Grace and me through the mall when we went past a sunglasses store. He saw a pair that were obscenely expensive. Like, almost $200 worth of expensive. They were marked down to a more "reasonable" $199 or something.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Adam said, feigning retail awe. "We've gotta get these. It would be, like... saving money if we bought them."
Ahem.
I mean, who couldn't love this boy?
Sorry, but I'm a little bit proud.
Here's a slideshow from his first evening as a new dad:
July 19, 2010
Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta
[Electronic Shoplifting With Foursquare]
Take command of THIS, pal.
Letter From Alaska
[Of Sunsets And Salmon]
Hard to believe (not really, once you consider how absent I've been in updating the Salad Bowl with fresh fixins), but it's been almost three years since I've included a note from my Uncle Pete, (yes, the one who was in the paper posing with a potato he grew that was shaped like a moose).
Every year, if you recall, he goes to Alaska. And every year, he e-mails spectacular photos of scenery and loveliness.
It's all a bit much for me at times. It has been 18 years since I've lived there, but I still miss it like it was yesterday.
Anyway, Uncle Pete and his wife, Cecille, are back up north again this summer. And he's again sending some spectacular photos.
This is the view Uncle Pete has from just across the street from his property.
That's volcanic Mount Iliamna on the right along the horizon, just across Cook Inlet.
About this photo, Uncle Pete writes:
ANOTHER DAY OF VOLUNTEERING TO KEEP THOSE DARN STINKING FISH OUT OF OUR BEAUTIFUL KENAI RIVER.HO HUM, LIFE IS GOOD.
PETE
Life is good indeed.
Here's the rest of the gallery he's sent this year:
PREVIOUS LETTERS FROM ALASKA:
Getting up close and personal with a bear.
Time to say goodbye for the winter.
Winter's coming. Time to head south.
The salmon don't stand a chance.
The Last Fuzzy Slipper Frontier.
There's a bar in them thar country.
Sunsets, salmon and civil ceremonies.
Volcanoes, churches and halibut.
A fantasy RV for The Last Frontier.
Adventures In Traffic
[You Can Pick Your License Plates...]
The traffic coming out of Best Buy in Brandon is a nightmare. You can sit for up to 15 minutes waiting for the lights to cycle through.
How best to use that idle time?
Well, that's one way, I guess.
Motorcycle blogging. At4 80 mph.
Now with no Satan!
Graaaaaaaasssssss roof. Rusted!
Gather ye rosebud tattoos while ye may.
Eye Would Drive 4 U
Asphincter says what?
Brush it off.
Get me a truck and make it snappy.
Color me bemused.
Custom mods are cool.
It's great to be a Florida Gator. We think.
The ball cops are here. They have a warrant.
We've got wood.
Flipped off.
Timing is everything.
Haten and hogs.
Drive-by Twinkie.
Jimi Hendrix Edition.
Sit on it and rotate.
I'm your private antenna dancer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome to Springfield.
Orange you glad you're not this guy?
Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz.
Patriotic turtles.
Bubba's sidekick.
Goin' mobil.
G'day, mate.
Porn as a windowshade.
Jonathan Livingston Redneck.
Buc off, pal.
Such a dirty mess.
How cheep can you be?
I'm super! Thanks for asking.
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Hearse so good.
Drive fast, take chances.
Riding with Fab the deejay.
Beware of the Death Explorer.
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.
My other car is a rocket-propelled grenade.
Live long and prosper. In an Altima.
Just two good ol' boys.
Asshats aplenty.
Nicotine is my crash helmet.
Jazz hands moms.
Ugly lug nuts.
Pretty ballsy.
My honor student can kick your ass.
Garfield mudflaps.
Horse and buddy.