This week's headlines from my Onion day-by-day calendar:
Doritos Celebrates One Millionth Ingredient
Students Prepare Breasts For Increased Springtime Display
Community Voices:
My Moroccan Neighbors Won't Stop Their Damn Ululating
News In Brief:
Oh, Area Man's Aching Back
Murder Suspect To Be Tried By Media
Overworked Justice System Grateful For Help
6-Year-Old Cries When Told MTM Productions Kitten Dead By Now
Ping-Pong Somehow Elicits Macho Posturing
"Boo-Ya! How You Like Me Now?' Says Ping-Pong Playing Man
Nation Fills Up On Bread