January 12, 2004
END OF THE ONION
Here are some of the final pages from last year's The Onion day-by-day calendar:
Near-Death Experience Followed By
Right-On-The-Money Death Experience
Report: TV Helps Build
Valuable Looking Skills
Eight Million Americans Rescued From
Poverty With Redefinition Of Term
Third Grader Won't Shut Up
About Raccoons
Divorced Man Forced To Get
Back Down To Dating Weight
New Grill To Revive
Foreman-Ali Rivalry
Insurance Salesman Celebrates 14th Year
Of Quoting Fletch
U.S. Leads World In
Mexican-Food Availability
Tantric-Sex Class Opens Up Whole New
World Of Unfulfillment For Local Couple
'Farm Aid Aid' Concert To Benefit
Struggling Farm Aid Concerts
New Stapler Makes All
Other Staplers Look
Like Worthless Shit
New Pompous Asshole Magazine
To Compete With Cigar Aficionado
'I May Be Hazardous
To Your Health,'
Warns Homicidal
Surgeon General
Chinese Woman Gives Birth To Septuplets;
Has Once Week to Choose
Islamic Fundamentalists
Condemn Casual Day