SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

INSENSITIVE S.O.B. OF THE WEEK

We're introducing this new feature here in the Salad bowl as a way of honoring those who show a talent - either cultivated or inadvertant - for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

This week's award goes to Keith Hanselman of Akron, Ohio, who, while showing genuine surprise at being the new father of sextuplets, nevertheless compares his wife's reproductive tract to a countertop appliance.

Keith's wife, Jennifer, delivered three girls and three boys within one minute at Akron General Medical Center, according to news reports.

That's right; six kids in 60 seconds.

Ladies, you can stop clutching your abdomens now.

And while every rational human on the planet would agree that her accomplishment was a truly amazing feat of productivity, fertility and efficiency, it does not warrant the following quote from her sire:

"It was like a popcorn popper."

Congratulations, Keith, on being our inaugural winner. You'll be informed later on where you can pick up your prize.