April 01, 2004

HAIR'S TO YOU

You know how it is, I'm sure. You work in close proximity to people every day. Eight or more hours a day, 250 or so days a year. More time, in fact, than you spend with your own families.

As a result, you start to notice things about each other. You nitpick about appearances. You cajole them over personal habits. You poke them in the eye with a sharp stick for sheer amusement. You prod them to the limits of their self-confidence.

Hey. It's a living.

So it is with the group I work with. We're professional observers by trade and we get paid to express ourselves, so that only amplifies the criticism and the verbal assaults. It's all in good fun and done in a positive nature, of course.

But when one of the herd strays off alone in regard to personal style, well, the rest of the pack sometimes feels the need to reel that steer back into the fold. It makes us feel better about ourselves, in a way. We're caring enough about our co-workers to badger them into compliance with our informal standards on grooming, hygiene and attire. We criticize because we love.

So was case when Mitch got a haircut the other day.

MitchHair.jpg

Ignore for a moment the googly eyes, which Mitch provided as a point of exaggeration and which are not usually featured on his face in such a way unless his computer crashes or Drop Trou Man goes into his routine. Mitch thinks, and I and several others concur, that this is a damn fine haircut.

MitchHairA.jpg

But apparently Mitch has been taking flak for this modified brushcut. Mostly for the shortness, but also for the grey in his hair.

To his credit, Mitch understands that as a man ages, grey naturally appears in one's hair. He's sturdy within his own manliness and confident of his youth enough to let it appear as it will. I believe he expressed his exact feelings thusly, when he said, and I quote, "I could give a crap."

Some have gone as far as to suggest that his hair is perilously headed toward a similar style worn by J. Jonah Jameson, editor of the Daily Bugle in the Spider-Man comic book series. Here's how he was featured in the movie:

Jonah2Jpg.jpg

If, in fact, there is any predictor of future styling, I'd say it might be headed toward what is depicted on the action figure of Jameson:
Jonah4Jpg.jpg

The antacid on the desk is quite telling. But I digress.

Understand that this is not a radical follicular display for Mitch. It's been pretty short since I've known him. You can see this in a photo shot during the wildly popular "Hey, Kid, What Color Socks Is Mitch Wearing?" series.



Now, if you were dissect the latest hairstyle, you'd see that there are key elements contributing to the overall appearance.

MitchHair1.jpg

First, consider the symmetry. Whichever hair artist applied the snips and clippers paid special attention to details of equal length. Unlike my hair, which is experiencing a bit of an Attica prison riot at the moment, Mitch's hair behaves as it should, especially when "product" is applied.

MitchHair2.jpg

Again, good grooming beyond just the hairline is key to completing the look. Mitch obviously shows good habits when displaying facial hair. Were this region to become unruly, then the haircut, I believe, would lose its full impact. Instead, it complements the style nicely and mimics the coloration seen up top.

MitchHair3.jpg

Here's where things go slightly askew and where, my hypothesis will show, observers and critics of Mitch's new styling are finding objectionable material.

Yes, the eyebrows are symmetrical. There are no piercings, no radical spots of grooming. But upon closer inspection, there is one detail that betrays the rest of Mitch's "look":

MitchHair4.jpg

Ah, yes. Just above the right eye. If you'll notice, Mitch suffers from an affliction that many men - including myself - experience: anarchic eyebrow hair. Trim all the hair you want, apply all the Rogaine you care to, dye, snip, tweezer, mow, shave, hedge clip and weed whack everything you can. But let just a couple "mosquito leg" eyebrow hairs go astray and you might as well not try at all.

Since this is obviously a follicular cry for help, I do hope this sort of detailed analysis will help Mitch in future grooming decisions that will result in universal acclaim from his friends, co-workers and loved ones.

But this analysis is by no means the final word. No matter how qualified or expert, is still only one opinion.

That's where you can help. By filling out this simple poll, you can help one man in the future avoid the kind of sturm and drang he's so far experienced.

Poll results will be announced in a couple days.




Posted by Jeff at April 1, 2004 08:33 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Mitch's new haircut looks exactly like the GM1's haircut, grey and all.

I am particularly fond of the grey, as I've been informed I'm responsible for each and every strand's frosty color. Go me!

Posted by: LeeAnn at April 1, 2004 01:19 PM