June 28, 2004


My family and I had the opportunity to spend the weekend at Universal Orlando's Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios theme parks. We had a grand time and stayed at the lovely Royal Pacific Resort on the theme park's property. Easy to say, a large time was had by all.

But I'm here to tell you, not everything was full of fun and joy. Once again I realized - as I do any time I'm in a public place with a large gathering of fellow human beings - that there is a vast array of people on this little marble we call Earth. And not everyone has pulled things together.

Something about a theme park makes people want to display themselves in ways they wouldn't in any other setting. It really is remarkable when you step back and reflect upon the less than appealing choices I saw made over that two day span of time.

To wit, I humbly submit:


Clearly she is enamored of her back tat. That much is certain. The rolled-down waistline of her (alleged) pants and the bikini indicate as much. But please, tattoo mama, remember to tuck in the clothing tag. Not everyone will be so willing as I was to overlook such an egregious faux pas.


To the naked eye, this appears to be just a tableau of people passing in the afternoon along one of the corridors of Islands of Adventure.

A closer inspection reveals much more:


The sweat outline on his shirt testifies to the temperature and humidity. But letting the neck of the beer fly at half-staff? No true connoisseur of suds would ever hoist his bottle in such a cavalier fashion. Buck up, there, buckaroo. It's only 12 ounces.


Ahhhh yes, I know the equation well:

100 degrees Fahrenheit
+ 100 percent humidity
+ white-knuckle ride on The Hulk rollercoaster
= voracious need for a nicotine visit from the Marlboro Man.


This reminds me of a quote from "Urban Cowboy":

"My legs are sweatin', mama."


Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.


Hey buddy, support can be beautiful.


I wonder if she's a real redhead?

Only her hairdresser and dry cleaner know for sure.


Who knew Cousin It was a runner?


I have no further comment at this time.

Posted by Jeff at June 28, 2004 08:47 AM | TrackBack