SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

I SHALL NEVER SEE
ANY POEM AS LOVELY
AS A G.E.D.

I'm throwing down a little haiku thang pegged to the annual arrival of lovebugs to the Sunshine State.

It inspired a co-worker to forward me this e-mail from a friend who found some redneck haiku:

DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
That you are my cousin

BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

REMORSE
A painful sadness
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door

DEPRIVED
In Wal-Mart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants wrestling doll
Mama whups his ass

OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability

BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again

A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs

EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order

HATRED
I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
God damn Jeff Gordon

OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggart

DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazard Marathon
At 9 O'Clock

NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
needs new descrambler

IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino

GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man