October 11, 2006

PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL, VOL. 34

Is someone screwing with me?

Seriously.

Some days it just feels like I'm in an episode of "Punk'd."

Like today.

I got the following e-mail press releases within a 24-minute span:


Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 1:17 PM
To: Houck, Jeff B.
Subject: Superstar David Beckham Bathes in Evian

* * *

Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 1:31 PM
To: Houck, Jeff B.
Subject: Expert Educates Patients About Tara Reid's Liposuction Complications

* * *

Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 1:41 PM
To: Houck, Jeff B.
Subject: Local Residents Have A Chance to Win a Moment of Fame in Smucker's New Contest


Of the three, I have to say that the Smucker's pimp job offends me the most.

Beckham soaking in Evian? I could totally see that. In fact, I think my subconscious already assumed that Evian was the preferred agua for the Beckmeister to bathe in. The only way that press release could be better is if it read "Beckham drowns in Evian-filled tub."

The Tara Reid lipo press release has some merit. If only to warn people with no acting talent against plastic surgery as a cure for their dwindling career.

But Smucker's? That's just a baldface false fact. You don't get a moment of fame from winning a pressed-frozen PB&J contest. You get a nano of fame. Promising an entire moment of fame from something like this would be like telling a Hooters waitress she'd win a Toyota and then giving her this.


UPDATE: I just checked my junk mail folder. I had this lovely ditty waiting for me between the Tara and jelly missives:

Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 1:32 PM
To: Houck, Jeff B.
Subject: Media Alert: Elvira's Halloween Safe Driving Tips
Posted by Jeff at October 11, 2006 06:01 PM | TrackBack
Comments
Post a comment









Remember personal info?