SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

'LET ME UNDERSTAND THIS, 'CAUSE, YA KNOW, MAYBE IT'S ME. I'M A LITTLE F*&@!ED UP MAYBE. I'M FUNNY HOW? I MEAN, FUNNY LIKE I'M A CLOWN? I AMUSE YOU? I MAKE YOU LAUGH? I'M HERE TO F*&@!IN' AMUSE YOU? WHAT DO YOU MEAN FUNNY? FUNNY HOW? HOW AM I FUNNY?'

Dear Christopher Hitchens,

You and I agree on many things. The veneration of Scotch. The value of being literarily ubiquitous. The positive change that comes from snuffing bad guys. The futility of banning words. And, you know, the oral history of oral history. (Congrats, by the way, on crafting an examination of that particular intimate pleasure into one of the more ponderous reads of the early 21st century.)

Anyway, on one matter, I must part company with you: your assertion that by and large, women are not funny.

And I quote:

Why are women, who have the whole male world at their mercy, not funny? Please do not pretend not to know what I am talking about.

All right—try it the other way (as the bishop said to the barmaid). Why are men, taken on average and as a whole, funnier than women?

Well, for one thing, they had damn well better be. The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men. In fact, she equips many fellows with very little armament for the struggle. An average man has just one, outside chance: he had better be able to make the lady laugh. Making them laugh has been one of the crucial preoccupations of my life. If you can stimulate her to laughter—I am talking about that real, out-loud, head-back, mouth-open-to-expose-the-full-horseshoe-of-lovely-teeth, involuntary, full, and deep-throated mirth; the kind that is accompanied by a shocked surprise and a slight (no, make that a loud) peal of delight—well, then, you have at least caused her to loosen up and to change her expression. I shall not elaborate further.

Women have no corresponding need to appeal to men in this way. They already appeal to men, if you catch my drift.

Of course, and I think you would recognize and agree, humor is a subjective exercise. One man's (or woman's or child's) belly laugh is another's vomitous revulsion.

Your argument that humor is vital to a man's charm in pitching woo while being entirely superfluous in a woman's appeal to a potential mate appears logical on it's clinical, biological, very studied surface. And wildly inaccurate. If anything, an appreciation of humor - and the said execution of same - separates a woman from her peers.

I will not attempt to refute your treatise point by point. I will not even bother to note your use of bishop-to-barmaid metaphors as proof of your point in reverse. I will merely extend the following examples (none of which are remotely in the same universe of being suitable for work viewing, much less acceptable by those who might have sensibilities which are easily offended) for your consideration:

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

This.

And, of course, this.

Thank you for your attention, Mr. Hitchens.

You may now go back to making love to your tonic and gin.

Jeff

Posted by Jeff at December 8, 2006 07:49 AM | TrackBack