April 06, 2007


I was on the road this week in Orlando doing a couple stories.

The only Wi-Fi I could find in the part of the city where I was: at McDonalds.

I tried to do a little work for a couple hours between interviews. It was a ludicrous goal, given my surroundings.

So I fired off an e-mail to a few friends:

I’m sitting at a corner table as Kylie Minogue sings “Locomotion” on the McMuzak at about 130 decibels.

Oh, wait. There’s been a change.


Now it’s a generic version of “I Will Survive” that could only be worse if Sanjaya was singing it on “American Idol.”

An Asian woman is taking photos of the prepackaged ‘50s diner kitsch on the walls. She did a 15 minute study of a plastic Marilyn Monroe-with-her-skirt-blown-up-pose from “Seven Year Itch” with her digital camera.

A McD’s employee with three shades of hair is sucking on McNuggets while talking on a cellphone and chatting with a friend in front of her.

Toddlers fresh from Wet N’ Wild, at least two hours late for a nap and smelling of chlorine and wet diapers, are screaming next to me.

Directly in front of me: a high-tech garbage receptacle compacts the contents every 30 seconds, regardless of whether or not anyone has deposited anything.

A few feet away in the parking lot, a Chrysler minivan’s horn is blaring – seems someone locked the keys inside and set off the car alarm. People are running around the vehicle like ants around a piece of candy on the ground.

An hour ago, I was eating a four-star-worthy meal on the 15th floor of Disney’s Contemporary Hotel.

An hour from now, I’m scheduled to eat food cooked by a former Kennedy family chef.

I may need a neck brace if I keep bungee-bouncing from Heaven to Hell.

An audio update: It’s raining men.

Posted by Jeff at April 6, 2007 07:48 AM | TrackBack
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