So close, yet so far.
Miami, Florida State.
Second place sucks, Zook.
In the spirit of the holidays, we're introducing a new feature into the Salad Bowl: The Calendar of Disturbing Santas.
Each day through Christmas, we'll introduce an image of Santa that conflicts somehow with the comforting, jolly portrait we've all been led to believe.
There's gotta be a reason kids cry when they sit on Santa's lap. Maybe they know something the rest of us only forgot.
With that, we introduce Santa No. 1:
What's the scenerio here? Santa get tired of putting up with Blitzen's crap? The North Pole run a little low on venison? Kringle need to buss a cap? The irony here is delicious.
Up on the rooftop, bang, bang, bang.
Tomorrow: A little dairy.
Ah, the subtle signs that the holidays are upon us:
The crispness in the air... the warm embrace of family and friends...
...and the image of Ronald McDonald humping the pavement along Central Park East.
It's when the fire department shows up to help you carve.
...if you're smart enough to figure out a brilliant way to cheat, why not just save the energy and study for the goddamn test?
It's like the stoner who can't make it through junior year shop class, but he can build a cold-fusion bong that can immolate 83 bowls of premium Sao Paolo north slope trip weed simultaneously.