SIDE SALAD - Everything crunchy is good.

REMEMBERING HAPPY HOUCK [THE ESCAPE OF SOFIA]

As a kid, we had a beagle named Happy. For most of his 17 years, he spent much of his non-sleeping hour thinking of ways to escape our evil clutches. As you can see from the photo above, he held us in great contempt and only barely disguised his disgust at having the remain in our possession. After he shed his puppy years, his name became a cruel bit of alliterative irony.

How much did he hate us? If we cracked open the front door to answer it, he'd nudge it open and run like Usain Bolt. We had a chain-link fence that had a gate with a latch that he learned to nudge open with his snout. One time he tunneled under the fence P.O.W.-style and took off. I lost count the number of times I spent summer evenings searching for him in the neighborhood with a flashlight. The dog had serious Papillion-like skills.

But as good as his escapes were, never did I imagine that he could accomplish something like this:

My favorite moment in the video comes at 1:13, when the dog pauses, looks up and his eyes say, "Shit, there's a camera."

WORDS WOULD ONLY GET IN THE WAY
[ABRAHAM AND LINCOLN PERFORM THE LAZIEST INVESTIGATION IN HISTORY]

Turn the volume up to get the full effect.

SIX THINGS TO DO AT INTERNATIONAL PLAZA WHEN YOU'RE 13
[HERE, DAD, PUT ON THIS MASK]

Set all the MacBook browsers at the Apple store to SideSalad.net.

Drink more Diet Coke at Chick-fil-A than your bladder can hold.

Re-enact a scene from "Borat" on the escalator.

Catch a violent power siesta in the vibrating recliner pod at Brookstone.

Check to see how the flash works in close-up mode.

Shoot your father's portrait at a moment of extreme parental weakness.