June 20, 2005
LETTER FROM ALASKA
My Uncle Pete, (yes, the one who was in the paper posing with a potato he grew that was shaped like a moose), clearly has lost his marbles.
Maybe it was the moose traipsing through his Kenai Peninsula homestead. Maybe it was the sighting of bear tracks nearby, but something has made the boy snap.
How do I know this? I got this e-mail from him:
These pictures are being forwarded to the ATLANTA JOURNAL, ST. PETE TIMES , BRADENTON HERALD AND THE TAMPA TRIBUNE.
Hello to the Lower 48, a message from The Bush Country in ALASKA:AS YOU KNOW IN RECENT YEARS A GIRL BY THE NAME OF "SHANIA TWAYNE" CHANGED THE WORLD OF "COUNTRY MUSIC", A SHOCKING EVENT THAT SENT DOLLY PARTON, LORETTA LYNN AND HUNDREDS OF OTHER OLD TIME COUNTRY SINGERS TO THE GRAVE YARD------SO NOW IT IS UP HERE IN THE SNOW COVERED MOUNTAINS OF ALASKA, BUSH COUNTRY, ONETIME RUSSIAN DOMAIN THAT THIS DARING LADY KNOWN AS "MRS CECILE BORIS" BORN AND BROUGHT UP IN THE HEATLAND OF SOUTH CAROLINA DARED TO CHANGE THE DRESS CODE FOR ALL TIME NOT ONLY HERE IN SOUTHEAST ALASKA BUT ALL THE WAY TO THE ARTIC CIRCLE, EVEN UP TO THE NORTH POLE. THESE ARTISTIC SANDLES MADE BY MRS BARBARA ANDERSON OF MARRIETA GEORGIA ARE IN SUCH DEMAND AND SUPPLY IS SO MINIMUM THAT THE ORIGINAL PRICE ROSE FROM 3.92 CENTS A PAIR ALL THE WAY TO 4.57 CENTS A PAIR.
LADIES, YOUR PERMANANT FUND CHECK WILL BE ARRIVING SOON. INSTEAD OF A TRIP TO HAWAII, WHEN AVAILABLE, FILL YOUR LIFE AND DREAMS WITH THESE "CROKETERSON SANDLES." YOUR HUSBANDS WILL NEVER NEED TO BUY VIAGRA AGAIN. ONE LOOK AND -- LETS GET READY TO ROLL.SEND MONEY- NO CHECKS, CASH OR CREDIT CARDS WILL BE ACCEPTED.,
BANGER SANDLES
ANYWHERE, USA
ZIP OOOOOOP.S. - ADD 12 CENTS SHIPPING CHARGES.
I don't know whether I should laugh at the thought of sandals as a marital aid, put in an order or call the Peninsula sheriff's office to have the wild man committed under the Baker Act.
I'm absolutely devastated that the Tribune was last on his list of recipients. When we get scooped by the St. Pete Times, I hope my colleagues will consider my lineage in this gross oversight.
PREVIOUS LETTERS FROM ALASKA
There's a bar in them thar country.
Sunsets, salmon and civil ceremonies.
Volcanoes, churches and halibut.
A fantasy RV for The Last Frontier.
Heading north to the homestead.
Publicizing moose-shaped tubers.
Well if you're going to put in an order, I dare you to wear them around town!! ;)
Posted by: Laura at June 20, 2005 08:25 PM