February 08, 2007
IT SEEMS TO ME YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE
LIKE A CANNED GOOD IN THE WIND
Sincere Side Salad condolences go out to the fans of Anna Nicole Smith, who went to the great TrimSpa in the sky today at age 39.
We've been a great appreciator of Anna Nicole's crazy aroma for years in the Salad Bowl.
We've noted her lack of diligence in making personal public appearances at restaurants:
Anna Nicole Smith
$30,000–$75,000
Writing her a check is the easy part. Getting her to show up is another matter. In February, the organizers of NW magazine’s Oscar party in Sydney, Australia, agreed to fly Smith out for 60 grand, but she missed her flight — then demanded $12,000 more to ensure she’d make the next one. Not only did Smith require a penthouse, a butler and chef on call 24 hours a day, and a suite for her four-person entourage, when she arrived, according to press reports, she insisted on a third suite for her lawyer, stylist, and two friends. Our sources say that several dress sizes ago Smith raked in about $15,000 per appearance. But now she averages about $30,000 — making her fee inversely proportional to her weight.
We got plenty of chuckles at her volcanic meltdown at the American Music Awards and how at the time it reminded one blogger of the day Anna Nicole behaved inappropriately at a family funeral:
And with that comment, the doors to the room swing open and A walks in with a sweeping gesture and stands there, waiting to be noticed and admired. When no one stands up to applaud her entrance, she saunters her way towards the coffin, flipping her hair as she walks. She gets to the coffin, looks down at the man she barely knew yet whom was apparently a father figure to her, turns her head to make sure she has our rapt attention, and begins to wail. She's incoherent, crying, sobbing, and there is not a person in the room who doesn't know that it is all an act. We've seen her movies. We know bad acting when we see it. Suddenly she puts the back of her hand up to her forehead, 50's movie star style, and falls to the floor in a faint. No one moves to help her. She lays there, hand still on forehead, skirt hiked up, a spectacle on display. Finally, the director/relative comes over, picks her up and walks her out to the chair in the hallway.
For comparison's sake, check out the video:
And we compared her to Hurricane Frances:
They say that tornadoes are the "finger of god."My friends, I'm here to tell you that Hurricane Frances could be all four tires of God's blinged-out Hummer.
Three days from landfall and that huge beeyach is already a Category 4. God knows what she'll become once she takes a huge, deep toke on the Gulf Stream and the warm, shallow waters of the Bahama shoal. Imagine a pre-TrimSpa Anna Nicole Smith loaded up on Percodan and Jack Daniels and waving a gun while shopping for crystal at the Baccarat store.
It is with misty eyes that we bid you adieu, Anna Nicole Smith/ Vickie Lynn Hogan / Vickie Lynn Marshall / Vickie Smith / Vicki Smith.
We hardly knew ye. Or cared to.
TTFN = Tata(s) for now.
An update: You owe it to yourself to check out the entries on this online condolences book.
My favorite so far:
So sad -- a modern day Marilyn, also with a tragic ending.
Maria Ford (Toronto, ON)