August 11, 2005

OLD GRANDMA HARDCORE

GrandmaHardcore.jpg



Web find of the week: The blog called Old Grandma Hardcore.


The site chronicles the video gaming interests - and profane frustrations - of a 69-year-old grandmother who plays Playstation 2 all day. And screams foul epithets at her television.


I had tears streaming down my face at work on Wednesday as I read this:

At around 9 a.m. this morning, Grandma was in the kitchen drinking some coffee. "I swear to GOD, if I can't figure out where this FUCKING doll's head is..." Grandma is stuck in Fatal Frame 2: The Crimson Butterfly for the Playstation 2. Apparently she's missing an item and can't continue; she wanders the games hallways searching for ghosts that, at the moment; make noise and do not appear, screaming "WHERE IS THE GOD DAMN GHOST?? I HEAR IT!! DO YOU HEAR IT?? I FUCKING HEAR IT!! IT ISN'T FUCKING THERE!!! FUCK!!!!"

Grandma wears a hearing aid. She turns up the amplifier so the desk, shelves and walls shake. Her uninhibited screaming augments the explosion of noise coming from the East side of our house. The center of the house vibrates to superhappy J-Pop from Katamari Damacy. Sometimes it's a bit difficult to "get away from it all" when you have to study or, say- sleep for instance. I don't mind, don't get me wrong; a 69 year old video game playing granny is not something one takes lightly. Never had I sat in the living room studying the DSM-IV thinking to myself "You know, I really wish Grandma would stop yelling the word 'cocksucker' while playing Contra."

There is always a solution.

No solution, however, comes without conflict. I may be grooving to Rilo Kiley on the couch reading a book and smoking a cigarette; enjoying a mid-evening cocktail if you will; and I look up to see a frustrated Grandma looking down at me.

"Take off the headphones! I've been screaming and screaming for you! I thought you left!"

"Jesus! Why, what's wrong?"

"I can't find any more ammo."

"What?"

"I keep running out of fucking ammo! You have to beat this guy."

"I've never played that game."

"Well I can't fucking do it, god dammit!!"

The next stage of this oft repeated ritual usually involves me asking what buttons do what; dying a whole bunch of times and giving up and going back to whatever I was doing. A half hour later or so, a triumphant Grandma will appear in the kitchen.

"I GOT the bastard!"

For a real scream, check out the video clips listed on the right side of the site. For a sample, try this R-rated one:
Grandma's favorite word.

Posted by Jeff at August 11, 2005 06:20 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Geez, I just tried to post a comment and got rejected for questionable content. Guess I'm just as bad as Granny.

Posted by: saladwife at August 11, 2005 08:52 AM

Ahhhahahahah that's hilarious. I thought my grandmother was cool -- but no way.

Posted by: tim at August 11, 2005 10:12 AM

You picked that video because of what's hanging on the wall behind Grandma, didn't you?

Posted by: Rommie at August 11, 2005 11:15 AM

My motives have been unmasked.

Posted by: Jeff at August 11, 2005 12:26 PM
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