October 31, 2011

HENRY, THE LOW-RIDER
[PUMPKINS WE LOVE]

My former neighbor Henry now lives in Okinawa. We'll miss him and his pumpkin figure this Halloween.

Gomez Halloween Party

Gomez Halloween Party

Gomez Halloween Party

Gomez Halloween Party




Your waiter today is Jeff at 06:48 AM

OH MY GOURD
[PUMPKIN SHOPPING WITH SALAD BOY]


Brian and Jeff at the pumpkin patch

Salad Boy and I went pumpkin shopping yesterday. Paid $26 for two large pumpkins, including one that looked like a butt. Which explains why we bought it.

The big twist: Salad Boy drove this year. Which tells me we won't be pumpkin shopping together for much longer.


Your waiter today is Jeff at 06:29 AM

October 30, 2011

AND NOW, ANOTHER EPISODE OF MY RIDICULOUS LIFE
[ZAGAT COMES TO CALL]

The other day I got a Facebook message from a friend:

Zagat - Gretchen


Ummmmmmmm. I had no idea what she was talking about so I clicked the link.


Zagat - Who to Follow on Twitter - 140 Restaurants and Foodies

Holy cow.

Who else is on the list?

Anthony Bourdain. Ruth Reichl. Mario Batali. Gordon Ramsay. Food & Wine's editor-in-chief Dana Cowin. Gael Greene, a New York restaurant critic pretty much forever.

What was I cited for?

@JeffHouck: Jeff Houck - This cheeky, knowledgeable Tampa Tribune food writer flavors his tweets with plenty of jokes.

Crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y.

I joked it off around the office. I said it was like winning an award for World's Tallest Midget.

Then they ran this on my newspaper's Web site.

For a greatest hits of my tweets, click here.

Your waiter today is Jeff at 11:01 PM

IMPULSE NON-BUYS
[THE PENIS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD]


Jersey Shore talking pens

Interestingly, it only writes in monosyllables and twisted syntax.




Your waiter today is Jeff at 10:48 PM

October 28, 2011

TIME FLIES
[WHAT TIME IS IT?]





Your waiter today is Jeff at 12:41 PM

October 26, 2011

WHAT'S COOLER THAN COOL?
[ICE COLD]



Saw this on TV the other day.

Wow.




Your waiter today is Jeff at 08:01 AM

IT'S NOT EASY PEEING GREEN
[GRAFFITI QUESTIONS NO ONE WANTS TO ANSWER]


Why is mine green graffiti

Looks like someone needs to lay off the green apple Jolly Ranchers.




Your waiter today is Jeff at 07:34 AM

LEAKY FAUCETS
[THINGS WHICH SEEM DIRTY BUT AREN'T]


Dirty faucet

I'll wait for the rhythm method model.




Your waiter today is Jeff at 07:29 AM

October 25, 2011

DISSING YOUR DOGS
[THERE'S ONE THING STRONGER THAN A DOG'S SENSE OF SMELL: HIS SENSE OF IRONY]

Came around the corner yesterday to see this in the living room:

Lincoln and Abraham enjoy the comforts of home

Nice. It's only a treasured piece of furniture that you're ruining.

Lincoln and Abraham enjoy the comforts of home

No, no, no, no. Don't get up on my behalf, Lincoln. Lay back down.

Your comfort means more to me than that precious family heirloom.*


* The sarcasm you're picking up in my tone comes from Dale Sturtevant.




Your waiter today is Jeff at 02:57 PM

I'M A LOVER OF HATS, NOT A HAT FIGHTER
[YOU CAN HAVE MY GIRL BUT DON'T TOUCH MY HAT]


Cockfighting hat

Thanksgiving dinner accessory. Check.


Your waiter today is Jeff at 02:31 PM

A DIAMONDGASM IS FOREVER
[WHAT TO GET THE WOMAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING]


Wowgasm

Can I just give her a ring instead?

It would seem an unreasonable bar to set for the rest of the relationship.


Your waiter today is Jeff at 02:27 PM

MAYHEM, BE THY NAME
[FACEBOOK ASKS THE LOADED QUESTIONS]


Facebook - Mom

Oh, the fun I could have with this.




Your waiter today is Jeff at 02:22 PM

October 23, 2011

TAMPA GOES A LITTLE FOOD TRUCK CRAZY
[EVERYTHING CRUNCHY IS GOOD]

Part of my responsibilities as a food writer includes covering trends.

Right now, food trucks be just that.

The city just had its second food truck rally in three weeks and it shows no sign of abating just yet.

That's great - clearly it's meeting a need - but I'm hoping it matures quickly. Because going to these rallies is wearing me out.

Luckily, I have my nephew Adam's daughter Avery to help me keep my energy up.

Tampa Food Truck Rally No. 2

Adam, Avery and Adam's wife Ashley have become my food companions recently. Adam's love for cooking and smoking and grilling appear to have translated to his daughter's taste buds. She'll eat anything.

Tampa Food Truck Rally No. 2

Coconut lime ice cream bars


Tampa Food Truck Rally No. 2

Cantaloupe agua fresca

Tampa Food Truck Rally No. 2

Taco beef

I can't wait to see where her palate goes from here.

Here's a gallery from yesterday's rally:



Your waiter today is Jeff at 10:20 AM

October 21, 2011

I'LL TAKE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS FOR $1,000
[MENU WITH AN ATTITUDE]


Menu with attitude

You looking at me? You looking at me? You must be looking at me.


Your waiter today is Jeff at 10:47 PM

FIGHTING THE MAN WITH HOT BEVERAGES
[OCCUPY TASTE BUDS]


9/11 was an inside job

Conspiracy theories apparently require the occasional jolt of corporate caffeine.

Your waiter today is Jeff at 10:27 PM

October 19, 2011

THE LADIES GO CRAZY FOR A SHARP-DRESSED MAN
[BRIAN'S HOMECOMING WEEK]

Last week was Homecoming at Salad Boy's school. He's a junior now, so he has the confidence and standing to go all out when it comes to dressing up for the "theme days." during Spirit Week.

First up: Character Day.

Brian as Rick Ross with Corey Payton as Big Bird

For his character, Brian chose Rick Ross. [See previous post]

He and Corey. They be mates.


Second Day: Tacky Tourist

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

How deep did his character portrayal go?

He applied SPF 50. In October.

Brian with Lexi on Tourist Day

The ladies love a man in tropical prints.

Brian with Darius Mack


Dudes.

Day Three theme: Color Block

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

Looks like someone had too much NyQuil in that last one.

Day Four: Nerd Day

Brian as a nerd in school

He wears it a little too well. Then again, he's my son.

Brian with Lexi

Chicks dig nerds.


Fifth Day theme: Black-Out

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

The theme was to wear all-black in honor of the school colors.

The dreads? Those were freelance.

Saw them in Goodwill attached to the hat and bought them because the color matched Brian's hair.

Brian with Trey, Monica and Sean

It certainly set him apart.


But the best thing he wore all week had nothing to do with costumes.

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

I think the bacon wallet sets this off. Accessories make the outfit.

Then again, it might be his handsomeness. Yeah, that's it.

I told him he looked like an international man of mystery.

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

Handsomeness didn't help his buddy Shawn show up on time.

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

All better.

Brian's 2011 Homecoming Spirit Week

Oh, to hear that conversation...




Your waiter today is Jeff at 06:43 AM

October 16, 2011

TRUST ME. I'M A DOCTOR.
[THINGS YOU SEE AT WORK]

Most days I at work when I walk from the parking garage to the News Center I see this vehicle.

Dr.  Eminizer

Some days, seeing this car provides the bright spot amid a rather gloomy situation.

What's on the side?

Dr.  Eminizer

Sales or baseball. Baseball or sales.

Either or.

Etc.

Dr.  Eminizer

Handwriting, [blank] Names. Fill in the [blank]. It's a psychic Mad Lib.

Personal note: I was previously unaware that palms had two sides.

The things you learn ...

Dr.  Eminizer

If his tag is any indication, he also enjoys excellent parking.

His bumper could have used a psychic. And a low deductible.

Let me categorically state: I LOVE THE EMINIZER. I do. Deep in places I don't talk about at cocktail parties. I need him in my life. So much so I considered hiring him to walk through the newsroom.

Then I considered what he might "predict." I didn't think we were emotionally stable enough to take the future truth.

I still might do it.

Eminizer photo

A few years back, he made the news by objecting to a requirement that all astrologers be fingerprinted:

Charles Eminizer, 68, who hires himself out as a psychic entertainer under the name Dr. Shane, can take the loophole. Look at him out of the corner of your eye and he seems to fit the profile. Think Dumbledore meets Chong. This is the face whoever wrote the fortune-teller ordinance had to have had in their head as they searched for words. But as a minister of the Universal Life Church, which charges nothing to register online, Eminizer is unaffected. He also opposes the idea of the city singling out fortune-tellers.

"Who are these people who are fortune-tellers? They're people trying to make a living the best way they can," he says. "This is just another way to hold poor people down."

Every so often, the magnetic panels swap out. It happened this week.

Dr.  Eminizer

Ah, something seasonal. Very smart.

Dr.  Eminizer

He knows if you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake.

He doesn't know how to spell Christmas. Or Claus.

What do you want? He's Santa's brother. It's like going to see Gallagher's brother whack the watermelon. In the end, it's still not the real deal.

What do you get for your holiday psychic moolah? Here's a video sample:



Your waiter today is Jeff at 08:48 PM

October 14, 2011

VOTING WITH YOUR MOUTH
[FUN WITH ASIAN GROCERY LABELS]


Special Elected Oil Noodles

I'll wait for the ramen referendum.


Your waiter today is Jeff at 09:03 AM

THERE'S A SUKA BORN EVERY MINUTE
[FUN WITH ASIAN GROCERY LABELS]


A Suka

If the phrase "golden mushrooms" isn't yet a euphemism for something terrible, disgusting and depraved, it should be.


Your waiter today is Jeff at 08:37 AM

YOU CAN RING MY BELL
[IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?]


Ring Bell For Service

If a bell rings in a restaurant and no one is there to hear it, did it really ring?



Your waiter today is Jeff at 08:25 AM