November 23, 2009
The things we wish we could say and yet do not
The longer I live, the more things seem like an excerpt of @shitmydadsays.
Take this video, for example:
Turns out, not everyone is as enamored of my cinema verite':
November 22, 2009
November 10, 2009
ADVENTURES IN TRAFFIC
[GET THEE BEHIND ME IN TRAFFIC]
I believe life is all about small adjustments, not large, flailing, wildly unpredictable reactions to random events.
A nudge of the throttle instead of jamming on the accelerator can be the difference between parking nicely in the driveway and driving through the garage door of your house.
One small adjustment.
It's the difference between this:
... and this:
PREVIOUS ADVENTURES IN TRAFFIC:
Graaaaaaaasssssss roof. Rusted!
Gather ye rosebud tattoos while ye may.
Eye Would Drive 4 U
Asphincter says what?
Brush it off.
Get me a truck and make it snappy.
Color me bemused.
Custom mods are cool.
It's great to be a Florida Gator. We think.
The ball cops are here. They have a warrant.
We've got wood.
Flipped off.
Timing is everything.
Haten and hogs.
Drive-by Twinkie.
Jimi Hendrix Edition.
Sit on it and rotate.
I'm your private antenna dancer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome to Springfield.
Orange you glad you're not this guy?
Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz.
Patriotic turtles.
Bubba's sidekick.
Goin' mobil.
G'day, mate.
Porn as a windowshade.
Jonathan Livingston Redneck.
Buc off, pal.
Such a dirty mess.
How cheep can you be?
I'm super! Thanks for asking.
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Hearse so good.
Drive fast, take chances.
Riding with Fab the deejay.
Beware of the Death Explorer.
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.
My other car is a rocket-propelled grenade.
Live long and prosper. In an Altima.
Just two good ol' boys.
Asshats aplenty.
Nicotine is my crash helmet.
Jazz hands moms.
Ugly lug nuts.
Pretty ballsy.
My honor student can kick your ass.
Garfield mudflaps.
Horse and buddy.
November 08, 2009
AT 5: 27 A.M., THIS QUALIFIES AS FUNNY
[COMEDY LESSONS BEFORE DAWN]
Comedy lesson No. 1: Save your best joke for last. Not second to last.: